Love Song

I love singing although singing has not been too kind with me...hehehe!!! Normally when I am not doing anything which has been quite seldom lately, I just listen to music... not to anything in particular though. I cruise through time without much care for anything else, not even the music or should I put this correctly, I dont really mind listening to the lyrics. I will just be completely satisfied (thinking that this is a luxury for me...doing nothing with a mind thats completely blank!!!) .... and will just try to breathe and relax. There would be the very few instances that will completely make me stop...... and listen intently.... catching lines.... that make sense completely..... or just a bit out off the usual logical or should I say illogical stuffs.

I have recently crossed lines with a song revived by Ms. Lea Salonga entitled "To Hear You Say You Love Me"....(under the album "Inspired") Hey call me sentimental but I just couldn't have enough of this so here goes.....

"I have loved, and so I thought before

But this is so much more

I couldnt last a day without you

In my life,

Youre the reason that I breath

Youre everything that I need

Miles in between wont change that

I will reach out to the ocean

With my arms wide open and send to you,

my heart, my soul, my true devotion

Ohhh, there's nothing I wont give

Do you know that I live

For the chance to hear you say You Love Me!!!

In my dreams

Youre right here by my side

Each time I close my eyes

I still see that sweet September

In the rain,

Laughing in the rain

I'll never be the same

Until the moment were together"

Hmmmm kakaka in-love!!!!

I just could not imagine how people can write something so true and sincere and lasting. Thank you so much!!!I wish I could sing this lines for that special someone, someday!!!! Still hopeful!!! hehehe

Life's Ones

I got this text this morning and man... it hit me right in the face.... I could not do anything but agree to it and cry. I was moved as I read each and every word. It said...... "A painfully sweet fact: There is always going to be that, One thing you wish for but never get. That One mistake you can never take back, and most of all, that One memory you would do anything for, just to have it again"... At a glance, memories kept rushing back like flashcards being shuffled. I was bearing my deepest secrets and had hoped that I have not yet filled my life with these One’s. Much to my disappointment, I have too many experiences that I regret and would be sorry for the rest of my life. Needless to say, with much sadness and pain.

Then again, life goes on…. And we could only hope for the better, as always. I would reiterate that God is good and everybody is meant to be happy at one point of his/her life. That everybody deserves these One chances to keep on hoping and dreaming and believing that there is something great in store for us beyond imaginable. For now…. We live and we learn and when we and everything else is ready….. these Ones will come.

Just a Thought.....

I suppose life is about finding out and accepting the truth on how much people change in time and that feelings are not an exemption. Lately, I’ve realized that you can’t have everything you want in life no matter how much hard work and sincerity you put in it. You cannot force anybody to fall in love with you even your head over heels in love with him/her, nor can they ask you to fall in love with them even their deeply in love with you. I am perplexed why such things happen? Sometimes I completely drown myself with thoughts why people have to suffer the agony of being alone when there is so much in life that they can share? I could never really understand. I have no answers to satisfy these questions. Maybe, it’s just the way things are meant to be. Feelings just meant to last for a short while, meant to die after all??? Just full of maybe's???? And that despite of all these, we continue to journey through life..... happy or sad.... imprisoned or free... content or dissatisfied…. Its not really our choice, its how it is. Maybe, it’s a matter of finding out what this experience taught you and the goodness it had brought. Then maybe….. we can be happy. In time, the only thing that we can look forward to is your belief that God wants us to be happy and everybody deserves to be happy.

I Love You Because……

I am a hopeless romantic and I admit it. I’ve come to realized how much corniness in me showed every time I get to have flutters in my stomach anytime I meet a potential “someone” or chance upon the possibility of a long term relationship. I have been in and out of Love (okay, okay… only a few), happy at most but sad to realize that not too many good things do really last. Lessons were learned but despite of all the hurts it brings along, I suppose nobody can stop me from believing that everybody is meant to find that special someone. We find out so many surprising things about ourselves because of these experiences….. hmmmm…. I am being very sentimental again. Like any other hopefuls on Love, I have always dreamt of a happy ever after for me…. I know that special someone is just around the corner and am I am pretty sure am gonna find him in God’s time.

Until then…. I refuse to be stuck here just trying to sit down and wait. After all, the purest of love does come with great responsibilities and nobody can be too prepared for it. (I think I heard that line several times before???). It comes with so much sacrifices, creativity and a whole lot of sincerity and honesty. And when you talk about Love, too much is not even enough. So everyday, we’ve come to explore the different facts of being in Love, intentionally or unintentionally, often times we come to stumble upon stories, novels, movies and even real life relationships that shows us the diverse aspects of the all encompassing truth about “Love”, which teaches a thing or two. And now, I have come to chance upon one of my favorite stories that I will always treasure in my life. …. An article entitled “Love Notes” by Gwen Romero.

Of all the corny stuffs that I know….this story has touched my heart so deeply that I am looking forward to my own future depicting a similar experience….. and oh boy wouldn’t that be one of the loveliest moments of my life. I can’t wait to finally say the lines I Love You Because……. It would be nice that after all the times together, nothing beats running down a list of why you love your better half. This will surely struck you how wonderfully blessed you are for having someone as beautiful as your husband or wife that makes love grow even deeper than before. Just thinking about it makes me smile and be thankful to realize how much more love I can give.

A Story I Would Never Get Tired of Telling.....

(……..dedicated to my pet cat Carlo)

Since childhood I have always loved fury animal, cats and dogs alike. And as far as I could remember, I owned about 10 cats at one point in my life. My mom used to tell me, when I was a kid that I would always bring stray cats home with me, whether they be healthy or sickly, good looking or a bit unusual. My mom usually laughs at me then scolds me after???? I did not mind. I love them all!

I suppose it was an innate character of mine. I love nature and fury pets are closest to my heart.

Off course, like any other mommy (Yes, you come to accept this term when you have a pet - no jokes!!!!) you have your favorite.

I was in my 3rd year high school when a friend ( to Micheal Virata…. Hope to meet him someday to thank him) of mine gave me a Pure White Male Kitty.... who I named Carlo!!! He was about 3 months old when I got him. He was packed in a box where I got lots of scratches trying to take a peek of him. I think he was terrified of were he was and were he was about to go. The wounds hurt a lot but I was not minding them as I was too exited.
He has this big yellow eyes and super pink ears and I loved him the first time I saw him.

We grew up together. We slept together, we ate and played together. He knew all my secrets and I knew his. We shared lots of memories both good and bad. And I would recall how I normally saved from my weekly baon just to get him his favorite pasalubong…. Fish flavored munchies which I bought from a local pet shop near our house. They were quite expensive for me at that time. Hello, 3rd year pa lang po ako!

We had shared so much and I smile often when I recall after so many years ( 8 years to be exact) how my mom got so angry at Carlo at one point in time. I had to go away for a 3 day vacation with my sister in Baguio. As any worried mommy, I made arrangements with my mom, repeatedly bugging her to look after him when I was gone. I think I even got a minor pinch at my side for being so kulit. I enjoyed the vacation but I think I was more homesick because I miss him sleeping beside me. We finally arrived home one Sunday evening and upon stepping inside our house, I immediately called out for him.

At one cry, instantly he was there. When he greets me, he usually purrs and circles around me and then stands up to my legs. It signifies that its time for me to carry him in my shoulder’s as if like a baby. And then he’ll put his head over my shoulder and closes his eyes. He is most comfortable that way.

When my mom heard us, she has this funny worried look in her face and shouting at Carlo….. saying….. hay naku, yang pusa mo!!! Ilang araw di umuwi, nung wala ka, nawala na din. Paos na ako kakatawag sa kanya, di dumarating. Kala ko anon a nangyari, alalang-alala ako. Tapos ngayon, isang tawag mo lang, dyan na…. salbaheng pusa!!!! ( I was worried sick because he was gone when you were gone. I was shouting trying to call him but he never came. Now, one call from you, he is there at an instant!!!! Bad kitty) I was laughing and was so touched, I loved him even more.

I could still recall today how he would cry when we were arguing about him wanting to go out to explore and I did not allow. Maybe, if he could speak some words he would tell me that I was too strict and over protective. Hahahaha….. I suppose I am really.

Our emotions were attached and as if somehow, he knew what I was feeling. I could still clearly recall how he was always there to comfort me when I used to cry. He never left my side. We shared a very strong bond that no one else will ever have.

But off course like all good stories… it has an ending….

I lost him when he was about to turn four. He acquired sickness and finally gave up. He spent his last days in a veterinary clinic. I could still recall telling him the night before that he should wait for me tomorrow although the doctors were already not that hopeful. He did wait for me and he was still alive the following day. As I closely held him in my arms with his dextrose on, it started again and he finally bided his good bye. I think I cried for a straight week and finally stopped when his doctor gave me a dog. I suppose he saw my sadness or did I swear at him with my sobs for not doing his job? I was young then….. I could not recall.

I just know that Carlo would always have a soft spot in me that I will always cherish forever. I love you and I miss you a lot.

(I have written this with my intention of writing about my pet dog …. Tommy who just passed away recently)

SAYING GOODBYE

And yet again, over and over, the questions flashed to me repeatedly like a tormenting song saying the same things, yet no answers were revealed. Is a feeling too strong, too hard to let go even when you’ve realized that there was no point in keeping it? I was in love yet disgusted by how I felt. How can a beautiful feeling be so wrong all at the same time?

Ah, yes the answers were there, I was not just ready to face them, not yet.

Then after all the hurts and the pains and the struggling…. no matter how hard you try to pretend and fantasize that everything will soon be over! And that you’ll end up happy together? The truth always creeps up, then, you realize, it’s just YOU!!! All alone feeling that special something and yet all he sees is a friend in you. We’re just friends!!!! I have to learn to accept that and start saying goodbye to the feelings I have struggled so hard to keep!

So it all starts at a point when you have started to feel so excruciatingly uncomfortable with how things are said and done repeatedly. I knew, my goodbye had to happen without him realizing it, really. After all it was just me from the very start!!! Huh !!!! It was for the best! I had to do it.

At an instant, I was shedding away what I have strongly felt to the darkest corners of my heart without me realizing it happening. It just happened. The hurting may just have taken over the feelings and now all you feel is frustration and numbness. Maybe because I have tried too hard that I just had to give up!!!!

Although I am pleased to have recovered my heart so soon and that I could control my emotions when I talk to him. Inside me, I am still crying and still struggling in accepting the truth. Maybe that is my disguise to show others I am okay and I’ll be fine. I know I will, I’ve always had. I know in time all hearts heal, that is my wish for now. I am just glad that my “all heart out episodes” we’re done and over with and am starting to stand up again, stronger and wiser.

Am I sorry? No! Should I be? No! All I can say is, I am glad I experienced all these no matter how painful and hurtful it has become. This has made me a better person and I will laugh out load about it after all. In God’s time!

PS: This is a story I have always wanted to tell everytime my heart gets broken..... I suppose I and the one meant for me has not met yet!!!!! I hope we meet soon enough.

Simply Complicated Me

It's been 30 minutes... I have been staring at the wall trying to figure out how to start it.

I am not a good writter and the last thing in my list to do is create a blog for myself...Huh?

I supposed, along with all my frustrations with work and carreer... my love life seems to be catching up. I need an outlet to try to unload my excess baggage..... alas my blog that will depict only me... my frustrations.... my experiences.... my heartaches and pain....my expectations...... my happy moments.... my achievements..... my rewards......... my life.... ako lang... wala ng iba!

Ang hirap simulan...... ano ba sasabihin ko?

Maraming bagay ngayon ang dumarating sa isip ko na di ko kayang ayusin... siguro dahil as usual... sentimental nananaman ako! Speaking my heart out! Kailangan ko b magbago? o kaialangan ko tangapin ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko? Di ko maintindihan...... basta ang alam ko, kahit anong pilit kong maging masaya.... sa puso ko.... malungkot ako at gustong gusto ko nang magmahal. Madali sana kung matagpuan ko ang taong tama para sa akin???? Pakiwari ko... napakailap nya! Hay !!!! Asan ka na ba?

Masaya naman dapat ako dahil maganda trabaho ko, Inis lang sa mga taong ayaw magbayad ng utang. At sa mga mayayamang mayabang at nagkukunwaring walang pera para umiwas sa obligasyon. Salot kayo sa buhay ko!!!!

Okay naman parents ko, pareho pang malakas kahit may occassional na nararandaman... dala lang cguro ng old age. Mga kapatid ko... lahat naman kame tapos sa maayos na collegio.... may doctor pa. Marami din akong kaibigan na kayang sandalan, kausapin at kulitin. Pero...... cguro ang kalungkutan ko... ako lang ang pwedeng umayos. I have to say..... my own battle... my own time...... my own victory.

Lately, I have indulged myself to physical activities.... active na ulit sa gym.... gosh, was out of tract for 2 years??? Isama mo na badminton... kahit ayaw sa akin! hehehe. Then, slowly going out with old friends... keeping in touch... na miss ko sila!!! I have been doing things I dont normally do for myself! Sama na natin ang Chinese at Itallian cooking class na di matuloytuloy..... eenrol na ulit!

Dami ko gustong gawin...... :-)

Makes me think... were the hell have I been all these past few months? i cant seem to answer back or ayoko sagutin? It seems that time has flown out from my itenerary, handpicked, without any remembrance of what had happened! Or is it because I am struggling right now to forget what had happen to me for that long period of time? Now... i could not rememeber ... even the happy ones.... Ol I feel now is empty! Lutang!!!!! There is a bitter taste in my mouth that I could seem to remove and a thirst that i couldnt seem to quench no matter how much I drink! i dont even want to really dare myself and ask! Baka lahat bumalik.... ayoko na!!!!

Kaya... ayan tuloy... damay kayong lahat na nagbabasa!!!! Ako lang muna pag-uusapan ngayon, ako........ si Lyn..... opo.....Lyn lang!