And yet again, over and over, the questions flashed to me repeatedly like a tormenting song saying the same things, yet no answers were revealed. Is a feeling too strong, too hard to let go even when you’ve realized that there was no point in keeping it? I was in love yet disgusted by how I felt. How can a beautiful feeling be so wrong all at the same time?
Ah, yes the answers were there, I was not just ready to face them, not yet.
Then after all the hurts and the pains and the struggling…. no matter how hard you try to pretend and fantasize that everything will soon be over! And that you’ll end up happy together? The truth always creeps up, then, you realize, it’s just YOU!!! All alone feeling that special something and yet all he sees is a friend in you. We’re just friends!!!! I have to learn to accept that and start saying goodbye to the feelings I have struggled so hard to keep!
So it all starts at a point when you have started to feel so excruciatingly uncomfortable with how things are said and done repeatedly. I knew, my goodbye had to happen without him realizing it, really. After all it was just me from the very start!!! Huh !!!! It was for the best! I had to do it.
At an instant, I was shedding away what I have strongly felt to the darkest corners of my heart without me realizing it happening. It just happened. The hurting may just have taken over the feelings and now all you feel is frustration and numbness. Maybe because I have tried too hard that I just had to give up!!!!
Although I am pleased to have recovered my heart so soon and that I could control my emotions when I talk to him. Inside me, I am still crying and still struggling in accepting the truth. Maybe that is my disguise to show others I am okay and I’ll be fine. I know I will, I’ve always had. I know in time all hearts heal, that is my wish for now. I am just glad that my “all heart out episodes” we’re done and over with and am starting to stand up again, stronger and wiser.
Am I sorry? No! Should I be? No! All I can say is, I am glad I experienced all these no matter how painful and hurtful it has become. This has made me a better person and I will laugh out load about it after all. In God’s time!
Ah, yes the answers were there, I was not just ready to face them, not yet.
Then after all the hurts and the pains and the struggling…. no matter how hard you try to pretend and fantasize that everything will soon be over! And that you’ll end up happy together? The truth always creeps up, then, you realize, it’s just YOU!!! All alone feeling that special something and yet all he sees is a friend in you. We’re just friends!!!! I have to learn to accept that and start saying goodbye to the feelings I have struggled so hard to keep!
So it all starts at a point when you have started to feel so excruciatingly uncomfortable with how things are said and done repeatedly. I knew, my goodbye had to happen without him realizing it, really. After all it was just me from the very start!!! Huh !!!! It was for the best! I had to do it.
At an instant, I was shedding away what I have strongly felt to the darkest corners of my heart without me realizing it happening. It just happened. The hurting may just have taken over the feelings and now all you feel is frustration and numbness. Maybe because I have tried too hard that I just had to give up!!!!
Although I am pleased to have recovered my heart so soon and that I could control my emotions when I talk to him. Inside me, I am still crying and still struggling in accepting the truth. Maybe that is my disguise to show others I am okay and I’ll be fine. I know I will, I’ve always had. I know in time all hearts heal, that is my wish for now. I am just glad that my “all heart out episodes” we’re done and over with and am starting to stand up again, stronger and wiser.
Am I sorry? No! Should I be? No! All I can say is, I am glad I experienced all these no matter how painful and hurtful it has become. This has made me a better person and I will laugh out load about it after all. In God’s time!
PS: This is a story I have always wanted to tell everytime my heart gets broken..... I suppose I and the one meant for me has not met yet!!!!! I hope we meet soon enough.
